Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
