It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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