I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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