yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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