It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
