the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
