it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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