Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
