i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
