so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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