did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
