just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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