I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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