I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
