cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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