i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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