babies were throwing up all over the place
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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