More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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