i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
