it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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