this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
