Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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