I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
