I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
