There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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