he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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