We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
