i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
