i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just sent this text using only my big toe
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
