With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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