Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
