I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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