Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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