your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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