I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
