mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
