thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
