Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
