He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Actions speak louder than pants.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
