dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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