I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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