singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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