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Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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