i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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