i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
