I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
