My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
