So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
