Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
