i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
