I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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