He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
