I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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