No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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