It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
