So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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