I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
