I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think my tv is drunk
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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