just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
