I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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