i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
