so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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