i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
