dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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