my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
