well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
