As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
