he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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