Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
