I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize