i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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