Don't make out with my wife yet
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
