If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
